THE QUOTE BOARD AT WORK

For my job, I fill out insurance surveys. Basically, insurance companies hire me to verify information about their customers. So, I talk to these customers, ask the questions specified by the insurance company, and send the completed report to the company that requested it. Sometimes we need to contact the retail insurance agent, and have them encourage the customers to call us back. They often think we are selling insurance rather than working for their current insurance company.

I didn't even know this job existed, let alone that you could make a living at it. Once again, this proves that its who you know, not what you know. I got this job because my good friend talked to his boss and got me the interview.

The questions I ask are standardized for each insurance company. Our largest two customers primarily insure construction contractors, and we perform surveys for their commercial liability policies. Well, some of these contractors are quite the characters, and have given us some excellent quips to these standard questions. These quips are the delight in our day, and I took the time to start a Quote Board to keep a record of them. I thought I would share a few. :) In the following, S = the surveyor speaking, A = the answer received.

S: What percentage of your work is residential, commercial, or industrial?
A: I'll paint whatever paint sticks to.
- Deda Gjeloshaj, Way to go Painting
(This was the original inspiration for the quote board. :) )

S: Can you send the insured(customer) a letter, telling them to contact me?
A: That's just too much customer service for me.
- Agent Jenny Melendez

S: Do you have time to complete the survey right now?
A: I'm trying to get a 600 lb. coffee table up a staircase. Now might be a bad time to talk.
- Bo Bacinett, Captain Construction

S: Do you ever work above three stories high?
A: Heavens no. Our guys have enough trouble walking on the ground, if you know what I mean.
- Sherry Smith, Pinpoint Leak Detection


S: Anything else the company does?
A: Yeah, we build skyscrapers, fire engines and high reach ladders.


A: Did I answer the questions correctly?
S: I hope so.
A: If not will you cheat a little for me?


(This next one was from a conversation with an agent.)
A: What do these surveys entail anyway?
S: Just a verification or update of the original application.
A: The actually pay for someone to do this? That tells me the insurance company doesn't trust me, which is a good idea based on some of the other agents I know.
- Agent Tom

S: Do you ever paint bridges or overpasses?
A: Nope. Too hard to tape off.
- Michael Jeffers, Jeffers, Dolan & Dolan Construction


There are more, but I will skip to today's:

From my voicemail:
A: Call me back between 12 and noon, you can probably reach me then.

From my coworker, Krystle:
S: Do you have a safety meeting weekly or daily, or perform job site inspections prior to starting work for the day?
A: No, not really. I stand over them and beat them with a shovel when they get out of line or do something stupid.

I'll fill in the rest later. :) Hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. Remember, leave comments! Or email me. Either one. :)

NEW SUNSET PICTURES!

Ok, so both of these are of the same sunset. Both were taken from my new 1.3 Megapixel camera phone (and there was much rejoicing, yea!!!!!). How cool is this: My camera has 4 different filters I can choose, this is from the 'Daytime' filter. I think I'm going to be using that one from now on. :) I think you can click on the picture for a larger view. Enjoy!

Golf last Saturday

While eating lunch at work today, I decided to blog some more stuff that I've been meaning to get to. For those who read the last post, don't worry, my lunch is NOT oatmeal. I thought I should let things calm down a bit lest the natives once again become restless and a jar of cracked wheat ambush me guerilla-style from the cupboard or something.

So, my brother and I played golf last Saturday for his birthday. We had a grand ol' time, and I've got the pictures to prove it! Ok, so there couldn't be enough pictures to capture the full grandeur of the fun we had, but you can get some of the great details here.

Let's put the following into perspective by saying that, despite my advanced age of 29, I am a neophyte golfer. Literally, I have less than 5 rounds of golf in my experience.

This first shot is of my golf ball (that I got for my birthday from the same brother) where it landed approx. 150 yards from the tee, ON THE FAIRWAY! Yes, ladies and gentleman, I kid you not, I hit the fairway. (Until this moment, I think my golf balls thought that the fairway was to be avoided, as you will see in a later shot.) Oh and lets not forget it was OVER THE POND. And it was the first shot. I didn't hit the water, I didn't hit the rough. I did about ten 'Toyota' jumps in a row, looking like I just won the superbowl.

So, being ON THE FAIRWAY, I used my 1 wood again because I was still 150-180 yards from the green. This next photo is of my ball, ON THE FAIRWAY, about 20 yards from the green. WOOHOO! Two strokes, and I'm in pitching range! It is just as likely on any given tee, that at two strokes, I haven't made it past the girl's tee(no offense ladies).

The third shot is of my ball, ON THE GREEN, in three strokes.

A two-putt, and I finished the hole in 5 STROKES. I was ready to quit, calling that my final triumph, but we continued anyway.

This shot is of a 40 yard pitch that missed the green to the right and decided mercifully to stop before the muck. It doesn't get much closer than that, especially when its flying through the air.

And this is the pond where my brother, by his own confession as bad a golfer as I am, skipped his ball across the water ONTO THE FAIRWAY! (okay, just left of the fairway, but I couldn't resist the all-caps reference again) Its a short hole, the tee is to the left (off-picture) and you shoot over the pond to the green on the right (also off-picture). My brother donated one ball to the pond in a forward and downward shot. His second shot looked the same, except instead of sinking, it skipped, hit a rock on the bank(in picture middle) and hopped right onto the grass. UNBELIEVABLE. But it was his birthday gift, so I can't think of a more deserving guy.

MY OATMEAL ATTACKED ME

My oatmeal attacked me this morning. It can't really be blamed. I think I provoked it. First, I ripped open its home(the packet) with arrogant disdain. Then, seeing my oatmeal had colonized itself into a higher organization(a hard brick of sugar in the shape of one corner of the packet) I proceeded to crush it between my fingers, sure that my superior intellect was more than a match for this little life form. This was my first mistake.

My oatmeal fought back by exploding all over the counter. This was probably the colonial oatmeal version of a fight or flight response. 'If you can't save the colony, save some of its members by flinging them away from danger'.

Having quelled said response by sweeping all the fleeing granules into my bowl, I opened the second packet. Apparently agitated by the brutalization of its sister packet, this one exploded upon opening. Perhaps this response included a mood-enhancing agent in the mixture, because I started laughing. Unfortunately for the oatmeal, this was only a temporary solution. Gathering the oatmeal for its ultimate purpose, I drowned it with water and cooked it in the microwave.

Thinking my victory complete, I ran a quick errand while I let my microwave minion finish the job.

Returning to the place of my oatmeal's demise, I found that somewhere in its life my oatmeal had read Herman Melville's Moby Dick. For with its very action, it embodied the semi-famous quote, "To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." It had boiled over, soiling the microwave and making a mess of of my bowl in the midst of its death throes. And when I removed the lid, the steam bit me.

I can understand the desire for self-preservation, but did it really have to be vindictive?