THE QUOTE BOARD AT WORK

For my job, I fill out insurance surveys. Basically, insurance companies hire me to verify information about their customers. So, I talk to these customers, ask the questions specified by the insurance company, and send the completed report to the company that requested it. Sometimes we need to contact the retail insurance agent, and have them encourage the customers to call us back. They often think we are selling insurance rather than working for their current insurance company.

I didn't even know this job existed, let alone that you could make a living at it. Once again, this proves that its who you know, not what you know. I got this job because my good friend talked to his boss and got me the interview.

The questions I ask are standardized for each insurance company. Our largest two customers primarily insure construction contractors, and we perform surveys for their commercial liability policies. Well, some of these contractors are quite the characters, and have given us some excellent quips to these standard questions. These quips are the delight in our day, and I took the time to start a Quote Board to keep a record of them. I thought I would share a few. :) In the following, S = the surveyor speaking, A = the answer received.

S: What percentage of your work is residential, commercial, or industrial?
A: I'll paint whatever paint sticks to.
- Deda Gjeloshaj, Way to go Painting
(This was the original inspiration for the quote board. :) )

S: Can you send the insured(customer) a letter, telling them to contact me?
A: That's just too much customer service for me.
- Agent Jenny Melendez

S: Do you have time to complete the survey right now?
A: I'm trying to get a 600 lb. coffee table up a staircase. Now might be a bad time to talk.
- Bo Bacinett, Captain Construction

S: Do you ever work above three stories high?
A: Heavens no. Our guys have enough trouble walking on the ground, if you know what I mean.
- Sherry Smith, Pinpoint Leak Detection


S: Anything else the company does?
A: Yeah, we build skyscrapers, fire engines and high reach ladders.


A: Did I answer the questions correctly?
S: I hope so.
A: If not will you cheat a little for me?


(This next one was from a conversation with an agent.)
A: What do these surveys entail anyway?
S: Just a verification or update of the original application.
A: The actually pay for someone to do this? That tells me the insurance company doesn't trust me, which is a good idea based on some of the other agents I know.
- Agent Tom

S: Do you ever paint bridges or overpasses?
A: Nope. Too hard to tape off.
- Michael Jeffers, Jeffers, Dolan & Dolan Construction


There are more, but I will skip to today's:

From my voicemail:
A: Call me back between 12 and noon, you can probably reach me then.

From my coworker, Krystle:
S: Do you have a safety meeting weekly or daily, or perform job site inspections prior to starting work for the day?
A: No, not really. I stand over them and beat them with a shovel when they get out of line or do something stupid.

I'll fill in the rest later. :) Hope you enjoyed these as much as I did. Remember, leave comments! Or email me. Either one. :)

NEW SUNSET PICTURES!

Ok, so both of these are of the same sunset. Both were taken from my new 1.3 Megapixel camera phone (and there was much rejoicing, yea!!!!!). How cool is this: My camera has 4 different filters I can choose, this is from the 'Daytime' filter. I think I'm going to be using that one from now on. :) I think you can click on the picture for a larger view. Enjoy!

Golf last Saturday

While eating lunch at work today, I decided to blog some more stuff that I've been meaning to get to. For those who read the last post, don't worry, my lunch is NOT oatmeal. I thought I should let things calm down a bit lest the natives once again become restless and a jar of cracked wheat ambush me guerilla-style from the cupboard or something.

So, my brother and I played golf last Saturday for his birthday. We had a grand ol' time, and I've got the pictures to prove it! Ok, so there couldn't be enough pictures to capture the full grandeur of the fun we had, but you can get some of the great details here.

Let's put the following into perspective by saying that, despite my advanced age of 29, I am a neophyte golfer. Literally, I have less than 5 rounds of golf in my experience.

This first shot is of my golf ball (that I got for my birthday from the same brother) where it landed approx. 150 yards from the tee, ON THE FAIRWAY! Yes, ladies and gentleman, I kid you not, I hit the fairway. (Until this moment, I think my golf balls thought that the fairway was to be avoided, as you will see in a later shot.) Oh and lets not forget it was OVER THE POND. And it was the first shot. I didn't hit the water, I didn't hit the rough. I did about ten 'Toyota' jumps in a row, looking like I just won the superbowl.

So, being ON THE FAIRWAY, I used my 1 wood again because I was still 150-180 yards from the green. This next photo is of my ball, ON THE FAIRWAY, about 20 yards from the green. WOOHOO! Two strokes, and I'm in pitching range! It is just as likely on any given tee, that at two strokes, I haven't made it past the girl's tee(no offense ladies).

The third shot is of my ball, ON THE GREEN, in three strokes.

A two-putt, and I finished the hole in 5 STROKES. I was ready to quit, calling that my final triumph, but we continued anyway.

This shot is of a 40 yard pitch that missed the green to the right and decided mercifully to stop before the muck. It doesn't get much closer than that, especially when its flying through the air.

And this is the pond where my brother, by his own confession as bad a golfer as I am, skipped his ball across the water ONTO THE FAIRWAY! (okay, just left of the fairway, but I couldn't resist the all-caps reference again) Its a short hole, the tee is to the left (off-picture) and you shoot over the pond to the green on the right (also off-picture). My brother donated one ball to the pond in a forward and downward shot. His second shot looked the same, except instead of sinking, it skipped, hit a rock on the bank(in picture middle) and hopped right onto the grass. UNBELIEVABLE. But it was his birthday gift, so I can't think of a more deserving guy.

MY OATMEAL ATTACKED ME

My oatmeal attacked me this morning. It can't really be blamed. I think I provoked it. First, I ripped open its home(the packet) with arrogant disdain. Then, seeing my oatmeal had colonized itself into a higher organization(a hard brick of sugar in the shape of one corner of the packet) I proceeded to crush it between my fingers, sure that my superior intellect was more than a match for this little life form. This was my first mistake.

My oatmeal fought back by exploding all over the counter. This was probably the colonial oatmeal version of a fight or flight response. 'If you can't save the colony, save some of its members by flinging them away from danger'.

Having quelled said response by sweeping all the fleeing granules into my bowl, I opened the second packet. Apparently agitated by the brutalization of its sister packet, this one exploded upon opening. Perhaps this response included a mood-enhancing agent in the mixture, because I started laughing. Unfortunately for the oatmeal, this was only a temporary solution. Gathering the oatmeal for its ultimate purpose, I drowned it with water and cooked it in the microwave.

Thinking my victory complete, I ran a quick errand while I let my microwave minion finish the job.

Returning to the place of my oatmeal's demise, I found that somewhere in its life my oatmeal had read Herman Melville's Moby Dick. For with its very action, it embodied the semi-famous quote, "To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee." It had boiled over, soiling the microwave and making a mess of of my bowl in the midst of its death throes. And when I removed the lid, the steam bit me.

I can understand the desire for self-preservation, but did it really have to be vindictive?

MY FAVORITE SUNSET!

This is my most favorite sunset from my phone. I hope to be getting a new phone soon with a much better camera. Let's hope the sunset pictures improve with it! The sunsets are fine, its the picture quality that needs work.......

GROCERY STORE EXPERIENCE

I just had to relate our experiences at the grocery store. My first, and favorite, picture is both an example of my phone's terrible picture quality at very close distance and a warning to check your blueberries VERY carefully. As Becca and I were inspecting the various blueberry packages, finding the perfect batch for all manner of consumption(except fermentation, we throw them out when they start to qualify), I found one that appeared to have some spider webbing in it. I thought that was rather curious, as the webbing was unbroken. A moment later I found the spider! That would be the blond blob in the center of the picture, squished most handily between a murderous blueberry and the cruel, unforgiving plastic packaging. For reals, the barely discernible blond tendrils are its legs splayed in ghastly form upon the aforementioned blueberry. We bought a different package.

Afterward, our shopping quest took us past the protein section, where we were looking for any good deals. Becca noticed this package was very reasonably priced. Then we read the label.

Suddenly it wasn't as appealing as we first thought. Having staved off the autonomic gag reflex associated with this product, I read the subtite, emphasized in the second picture.

So, basically, this is like pork & beans! Here they throw in a heart or two so they can put "Hearts" on the package. It made me laugh because it seemed like they were trying to upgrade gross with LESS gross, if hearts supposedly taste better to the gizzard consumer. Personally, even if it were "Hearts and Gizzards, mostly Hearts" I wouldn't be jumping up and down, praising my good fortune. To me that is the same gross, different label. However, someone must love it, because they actually produce it. May these epicurially challenged individuals find solace in having at least some heart meat in their otherwise gizzardly diet.

Fortunately my wife is not one of these people. If she were, she might not appreciate my requirements that she eat gizzards out of my presence and brush and floss her teeth before she would be allowed to kiss me. This was not one of the things we discussed before getting married, so I'd say I dodged a bullet! Woohoo!

Um, life for the last long time.....

Ok, so we all agree I'm fired for not updating my blog in 3 months. If you care enough about me to forgive me, please re-read my disclaimer that I'm bad at communication. :) Ok, enough of the salving of my guilty conscience and on to the meaty stuff!

Since I last wrote, I graduated from CSU, taken two trips, and started a new job. Where do I start?

Graduation was trippy. It is still trippy. Walking around campus at CSU is familiar and yet NOT, because its not where I GO to school. It's where I WENT to school. I'm still getting over it. It might be semantics for some, but for those like me, worlds of difference hang in those semantics. Now I'm an alumnus. Weird.

The ceremony itself was fine. Nobody died. One guy through up in the back. One guy came in very late. I got my picture taken with a woman I'd never met(and whose name I still don't know), who handed me my diploma, and another picture taken after I walked off the platform. The proofs came back: BAD. My mother in law took better pictures, so if I have anything to do with it, those are the pictures my posterity will see.
Before the ceremony was just as interesting for me. I got to the Intramural gym at 7am to get ready for the ceremony. There were jokes about how we deserved to graduate because we had learned to be awake and alert at 7 in the morning. I had to fill out a survey about my experience at the college of Business before they would give me my name card. It seemed like extortion to me. How can they expect an honest survey if its under duress? Honestly, it seems a little unintelligent for a college rated 63rd in the country. :) So, I got my name card and used it like a passport to get my gown and cap. Then, donning said gown and cap, I of course set the card down. Those who know me know that when I set something down, it can be lost for all time. Not because it magically grows legs or happens to get sucked into a localized vortex, but because I can't remember where I put it. And then there is a possibility someone might try to be helpful and MOVE it for me! ARRRRGGGGHHH. Just shoot me, if you are going to move something on me. It will put me out of my misery faster. Unless you are actually going to stick it in my hands. In which case, be prepared for profuse gratitude.
It was only when we were about to leave the gym to go into the ceremony did I simulaneously realize that I didn't have the name card on me AND it was the card I needed to hand to the announcer when I walked across the stage! That's a little important! Fortunately, none of the above calamaties occured and I found it, strangely enough, where I set it. And only after 2 or 3 minutes of panic and footstep-tracing. That's practically a record! Ironically, at the same time I am feeling a little discombulated, it is pointed out that sometime in the last few minutes, each of the different concentrations in the college had formed themselves into lines to enter the ceremony. All except my concentration. That's right, the management majors couldn't organize themselves. We were milling about aimlessly, everyone asking everyone else what to do. Some of us started a very short-lived conspiracy to blame the honor students. After all, aren't they supposed to be in the know more than everyone else? Where's the leadership? Well, with the call to leave the gym, the conspiracy died, and we milled less aimlessly into rough lines. People think these ceremonies are so precise and you sit with the people that made the greatest difference in your academic career and its all very climatic. FALSE! I walked in between two classmates that I consider friends and had certainly had several classes with, and were amiable companions during the ceremony. But that's it. And most of the ceremony, since my concentration was first up, I spent texting my wife in the stands. (Thanks Becca! You rock!).

Currently, I'm not finding any pictures from graduation. I will get that corrected as soon as I can.

After Graduation, I started my job at U.S. Reports. It's a job, whose responsibilities I am currently dodging to update this. Fortunately I am caught up, so I won't be putting us in the poor house. Its paying the bills, but its not fulfilling, so I'm not going to talk more about it right now.

Becca and I went to Ragged Mountain for a partial family reunion with the Bill and Kris Potter clan. It was fun. I'm up for next year. And I will bring the Benedryl. Allergies kicked my butt! But it was fun anyway. Unfortunately I had to drive all the way back to Fort Collins by myself because Becca stayed for a week with Mom Potter, so she would eat something while Dad Potter was at Girl's Camp. Ok, the last part might be a little dramatic, but let's face it, you have to suspend seriousness when you read my blog anyway. :) So, I drove 6 hours by myself, alone, with nothing but Sirius satellite radio for company. Thank goodness for satellite radio! It kept me alive. Not kidding. I get sleepy behind the wheel after an hour or two, and it was only the sweet rock n roll sounds of the 80's that kept me alert. Oh and Goji Juice. If you don't know what it is, find out and get some. It rocks! It's good for you on a million levels, and its a natural stimulant so it doesn't have the crash like caffeine or sugar. Thanks Mom, for the Goji juice!
So then I had to spend a week by myself at home. It was awful. I made big claims how I survived as a bachelor, and I would be fine without my wife for a week. WRONG! It was terrible. I couldn't sleep because she wasn't in the bed. I wasn't eating because she wasn't there to eat with. And both of those seriously affected my productivity at work. It was awful! It's a wierd sort of compliment as to how much I love my wife and miss her when she is gone.
Fortunately, the next trip was better. I will update that next. I should probably get some work done. :)

Ok, so the web site is down, so no work is getting done. Thus, let the blogging resume!

Becca got home from Grand Junction (where Mom and Dad live), on June 23rd. I wasn't sure I was ever going to stop kissing and hugging her. :) On June 29th, we flew out to the Oakland Airport (because of Southwest's new SWEET introductory rate for service from Denver to Oakland) to visit Becca's sister and brother-in-law, Kerry and Fred Ellsworth, and their two wonderful sons. I actually have pictures from that trip.

So, at the Southwest Airlines gate, we are looking out the big bay windows, waiting for our flight, and I see: A basketball court. How cool is that? Southwest Airlines was a favorite case study in the college of business for its company morale and market performance. I don't know if this court is company sanctioned or not, but I thought it was an EXCELLENT use of resources. :) Believe me, I could see the stairs down to the court from the check-in, and I was sure I could get through there before anyone stopped me. And the basketball was sitting there. I could have shot a few hoops waiting for the plane. Its not like I would have missed it! For those who may not know, the plane parks its nose landing gear directly in front of that blue truck. I'm pretty sure I would have noticed the plane arriving!

However, people are skittish about others running through the airport these days, especially into restricted areas like the tarmac. I only didn't run down the stairs because I figured the odds were good that they wouldn't let me on the plane if I did, and then I'd cause a scene, and my family would get mad, etc. So, it was really a matter of opportunity costs. It would have been fun to play some BBall on the tarmac, but it just wasn't worth it to me for a one-way ticket to GITMO.

More to come..... :)